Looking Forward

I know it's been a while.

I am vaguely remembering in moments throughout the day that I like to do certain things. That under my sleepy disheveled soft exterior is a woman with hopes, dreams, hobbies, and wonderful friendships.

My life is a good one, and I am trying to remember that one day I will be able to exit the bubble of my home and get back on with things.

I am looking forward to living my life and enjoying all the little people my husband and I have made together.

I am looking forward to being the sexy woman I am in my head - (that is until until I shockingly catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and remember once again that I am that new mom of 5).

I am looking forward to sleeping through the night someday.

Looking forward to oh so much...

doing some of the things I love... reading, writing, photography, decorating, health and fitness, gardening, cooking, chatting with friends...

The next phase of my life is ahead. And I am excited.

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This last pregnancy was a doozy. Every one of them has been a real struggle for me; usually by 6 months into them I am able to feel good again until the last 6 weeks, but I am always blessed with awesome easy deliveries. I don't think I felt good for a single day of my last pregnancy. Once I finally got my pic line out at 6 months and the nausea let up I felt significantly better, but physically my body was shouting 'enough already!' I felt better 2 days post partum than I did the entire 9 months of pregnancy.

Isn't it funny how you can hold that tiny, soft, warm, snugly bundle of sweetness and all the suffering of pregnancy becomes worth it? It so was. Our little man got here June 16 and I am so glad to have him on the outside.

My house is a tad on the chaotic side. Okay, who am I kiddin, it is a freakin zoo. But I am choosing to count my blessings about 70% of the time. The other 30% I give into some good old fashioned boo-hooing and reach for the chocolate to console me. It is so hard to remember you want to be skinny again when you are already so fat!

We really have had alot of wonderful blessings occur lately, and I am trying to stay positive and have gratitude for those instead of letting the hard stuff bring me down.

Chris graduated and got a job in Utah right when we needed it most. He also just took his journeyman's test and passed it the first time. (Good job honey!) He is gone all week but home on Saturdays and half of Sundays right now - which has been lonely and hard for the whole family. But we were so seriously blessed to have the baby at 37 weeks - 2 days before he had to leave to start his job. Also, my brother and sister in law have generously opened their home to let him stay there until we can sell our house. We also have been surrounded with such love and generosity from so many friends and family around us. I have had so much help and support and I know that all of these 'angels' have literally carried burdens so that I have hardly felt them upon my back. It is all because of a loving Heavenly Father that knows me personally. I really feel like I am so undeserving of all these blessings; so many more that are private and personal that I won't go into detail about.

I am not going to lie though. 30% of the time... I do not remember the blessings. I allow myself to become overcome by the things I am burdened with ... until I remember the many times I have read the Book of Mormon and have seen the cycles that occurred with the Lamanites and the Nephites. Isn't it funny how we can get so many blessings and have success and happiness in our lives and we forget to recognize that God gave all of that to us? We forget to have gratitude? I am trying to remember; and I am trying to have patience. I am trying to have faith that I do not always know what is best. I am trying really really hard to have enough faith that my Heavenly Father knows what is best for my family and is so ready to bless us with what is best. I am trying to have patience and faith and remember the many times I have complained and threw a tantrum, only to have had blessings poured out into my life that literally felt like I did not have room enough to receive. Then I always feel so bad for complaining and for my lack of faith.

It is hard being here with a new baby and 5 little kids without a hubby most of the week. It will sure be nice when we can sell our home and get settled together again. But I am going to be content with my life at present and try to be productive and find joy in each day. We have great neighbors, a wonderful ward at church, and good friends here. The kids are so excited to start school and see all their friends; We love our home and are going to enjoy living here while we can; I have really loved living here, and I will continue to love it until we are blessed to start a new phase in our life. Like I said, it is a good one.

And I am sure looking forward to so much.

Sunday Dinner Conversation, and randomness

Every night when we get the colored plastic kids cups onto the table the kids pipe up with this little rhyme:

" Purple (or whatever color their cup is) is the best, Red is the less, Blue is the one with the hairy chest!! "

A few weeks ago I leaned over to Chris and quietly said to him "funny, that isn't the version we used to say growing up!"

So last night, as usual the kids were going the rounds about which one had the best, the less or the hairy chest. Bailey looks at me and says "Mom, what did you used to say when you were a kid?"

So I told her. I had been holding back because I didn't think it would be nice for my kids to be the ones spouting it off and teaching the rest of their first and second grade friends... or the neighborhood friends. 'They' are going to love us now. But I figured we lovingly have referred to our little boys for the past few years as our little "terd birds" so, it's not like it's that new to their vocabulary or anything!

"My brothers and I had an ongoing race every time we got home and would race from the car to the front door. We would say 'first the worst, second the best, and third the TERD!' And no one wanted to be first the worst, but if you ended up being third the terd, someone would always cry or get mad about it."

And of course, peals of laughter ensued. Like, for 5 minutes. Potty humor is BIG to first and second graders. 3 year olds think it is pretty funny too.

Then Bailey sputters out through her choking, gasping laughter "Red is the best, Blue is the less, Purple is the TERD with the hairy chest!!"

It was pretty funny. She got us all going on that one.

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We were trying to have family night tonight. My boys are always pretty high energy and have a hard time sitting still. Carter was bouncing around and seriously bored. Chris had the lesson and pulled out one of my fake plants for part of our object lesson and says "what does a plant need to grow?"

And Carter who was flying around the room hops onto the couch next to me and hollers "WATER!" To which I surprisingly praise "Right! Good job Carter!" And Chris then says, "right, what else?" And Carter hollers "SUNLIGHT!" And Chris and I busted up laughing - it was just so funny because I guess he really does take in more than we think -he is always going a mile a minute. It was another funny moment with the kiddos.

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So I guess it is only fair to say a little about my absence. We found out around Halloween that I am pregnant. HUGE surprise. We are excited, but I get really, really, really sick. Like cannot get out of bed or keep anything down or open my eyes unless I HAVE to - to change a bum or feed a child sick. I always wonder how I actually survive. I was really lucky this time to have a pic line put in and have home health nurses come to do IV's every day. It helped keep me hydrated, but didn't take away any of the SICK and want to die feeling. We have an amazing ward here - they brought in dinner 3 times a week, and a good friend came and did my laundry and would lift my lonely crazed mind with visits and we somehow are now on the other side of sick. I am so thankful to not be sick anymore. I really think this child will be the grand finale which is bittersweet for me. I know that is probably crazy to most of you to hear, but even though getting so sick is so hard for my whole family, I feel so blessed to bring those sweet little bundles home. I just love em'. The thought of being 'all done' is a little heart breaking to me. Anyways, long story short... another Cook is coming and I was just getting used to 4, so I am figuring I better get organized with my priorities so that 5 can ease on in ... yeah right! I've done 17 months apart before... it was hard!!! And back then I just had TWO! Doe! I shouldn't say 'just' because 2 was hard then... so was 3, and 4.... I guess it is an adjustment every time and just gets harder because you have something to compare it to!
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I have managed to get up and get ready and leave my house a few times now... I am missing my friendships! Sorry to have not kept in touch with so many... I was just trying to survive Nov, Dec, Jan, and Feb up until now. I have some catching up to do!

By the way, we have been going back and forth about finding out the sex of this baby, put it off for a couple of weeks then finally caved. Tomorrow we find out...

I Gotta Feeling

I'm not a huge Black Eyed Peas fan, in fact I can't really say I like anything they have done, but I loved this. I secretly wish life were a musical.

[Dipdive] Black Eyed Peas Video+Audio » Oprah Feeling / I Gotta Feeling Live at Oprah's 24th Season Kickoff Party

By the way, I am still SO sick, so I am not back yet. Just wanted to share this video I hope you watch it -

A friend of mine told all of her friends to update. So here's mine:

I am sick. I don't feel so good. Don't be surprised if you knock on my door and I don't answer it, or if you call my phone, and end up leaving a message. I'm really not feeling so hot these days.

But I love you all. Don't take it personal. I don't like to be seen or heard from when sick, and I hate 'faking it' when I'm sick, because seriously, that is what I feel like doing when I am caught sick. I don't know why, it is just one of my weird quirks.

It might be a while before you hear from me. But don't worry, I am somewhere in my house wrapped up in my bathrobe and blanket amongst my mess.

I will give a more interesting update when I feel better.

It was a good summer.
The garden grew - we even learned a few lessons along the way...
like, never plant an entire row of radishes,
or, zucchini...
But when all was said and done, it grew well...

and so did all the kids.
This buddy is 8 months old now...

And this monkey turned 3...

This guy turned 6...




Also, the big kids had swim lessons.

This chick rocked. She had never had lessons before, and has a definite natural ability. By the end of the summer she was at a level 6. She loved every minute of it.

This picture of Jake cracks me up, every time.

This one just played.

We went to bear lake.

And the park...
Here I am with my two oldest.


Also, we went to Logan for the 4th...
thought I would throw in a little eye candy for you, my hubby and little brother

My sweet little ones

They grow too fast. This summer was a good one.

Decongestant tablets don't taste good

.........as was experimented upon this morning by a less than happy Carter.

I of course called poison control as he was drooling, hollering, and rubbing his eyes; and also because I only found a half a tablet left out of a package that should contain two little red pills. SOMEBODY thought they were candy.

Luckily, because they expired in 2003 and had lost a little potency, they seemed to think we may be able to handle it at home. I was told if he vomited, acted drowsy, or hyper, or anything out of the ordinary to call them back. Other than a little face rubbing for about an hour, he seemed to do ok. Stomach pumping averted. Phew.

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On another random note, I walked past Bailey's room this morning to hear this little scenario taking place:

"You just sit back and belax Bailey, I've got this." Said Jacob, as Bailey sat lounged on her couch reading a book aloud. Jacob proceeded to clean up her room and haphazardly make her bed! I wonder what sort of arrangement they've got going on!

Update

The past couple of weeks have been busy - Chris came home from a job he did in Indiana for a few weeks, and we got right to work.

The afternoon he flew in, he came and got Jacob and Carter, packed them up and went to the father and son's outing. He was really tired, total travel time was 10 hours prior to the outing - but he had promised his boys, and by 10 that night they were all sacked out.

Bailey and I went to go and see the Hannah Montana movie, and out to dinner just us girls (and Brayden). We had a lot of fun and even hit the dollar spot at Target. I love looking there, they always have good stuff.

The next morning we started on our garden. Man oh man, project and a half - we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. We had to take up all the sod first - and thank goodness for awesome neighbors - one got us a sod cutter to use, and another came in with his tractor and spread all of our compost and rotatilled it up. The project was slow going - lots of interruptions with the kids and baby, and it was HOT! We of course got burnt because we didn't put on sunscreen; we do it every year, and are sorry every year. Another awesome neighbor brought us their leftover pizza from lunch - only one piece was missing - I was so happy because it was 7 pm and everyone was hungry and dirty and I was about to run and go get some! The other neighbor that brought over their tractor even invited all 6 of us over to have dinner with their 6 - even though I know we were dirty and rambunctious - we had already eaten, but I am continually surprised by the generosity and good works of so many we come in contact with. We have been so blessed with good friends here!! It sure makes up for all of the hard stuff, and I really recognize that the way my heavenly father is answering my many prayers of discouragement, is with all of the kindness that comes through our friends. I really feel so blessed.

We ended up getting the planting done the following Monday (and Tuesday morning), Chris had taken those two days off because of the consecutive weeks of work he had done in Indiana. Yay! We were so glad to be finished and see if anything would actually grow.

Well, it has been about 16 days since planting now, and everything is coming up great, except the tomato's. They are dead. I guess you aren't supposed to overhead water them. We have 3 types of pumpkins, corn, zucchini, red and yellow potatoes, carrots, radishes, cucumbers, green beans, 3 types of peppers, onions, 2 types of peas, raspberries, strawberries, 4 types of lettuce, spinach, and... dead tomatoes.

The following weekend, we finally had some time to attack our 2 ft tall weeds in all of our un-landscaped flower beds and along the front of our house. We haven't done anything to date, because last year we thought we were selling, and besides, I was on my deathbed, and Chris was traveling constantly... so nothing got done. Now, we are trying to make a few improvements at a last attempt to sell our house in a couple of months. We always do this, make it all pretty for someone else to enjoy.

It took all weekend, but it does look pretty. The dirt is like CEMENT here! I just can't get over it! Also, our property used to have the snake river run through it (supposedly) and the soil is just overloaded with river rock! I am amazed even our grass grew! It makes it really hard to weed, dig, and plant anything and made the planting take twice as long -because I was obsessed with sifting out the rock - I want to give my plants a fighting chance after all this effort!!! We planted some trees, and it came together nicely. It has taken every night about the past 12-14 days - but it looks a lot better. I love my house, and I don't want to sell it.

Chris and I have finally decided enough is enough with the past year and a half. We are getting him back to school in August for sure - whether we have sold the house or not, and whether or not his work is willing to work with him. By this time next year, he will have his Journeyman Electrician's license, and an additional associates degree (he already has one in arts and science with a specialty in criminal justice); this new degree will be in the electrical instrumentation program at Idaho State University. He gets to skip the first year of the 2 year program because the past 4 years of schooling to get his Journeyman's license already covers a lot of the classes he needs. Everyone that graduated the program last year had a job to go to - there is a big market growing in this instrumentation field. It works a lot with new energy. We really want to him to go ahead and get the Bachelor's degree in this field - it is an Electrical Engineering degree, and I just found out is rated among the top 7 best jobs to have in this economy. So that will be next.

His work he is currently at keeps saying they have a huge education fund and they want their employees to go to school, but Chris has approached them twice and they keep saying that they won't work with him because the program is from 8-3 M-Th. It just doesn't make sense to me because having employees with this degree would be of great value to this company. Chris has since talked a lot about this program to several other employees and now 4 more have signed up for this class! I guess a meeting is now arranged between the owner, the professor, and the HR guy and maybe, just maybe they will work with these guys to get them to school and allow them to have a job in the process. I am hopeful, but am not holding my breath. Our decision is made regardless, we may be unemployed and living on student loans, but in 9 months will be able to get a much higher paying job, and hopefully not have Chris traveling as much. Totally worth it to us.

Here are some other updates:

Yesterday Carter turned my fireplace up to 90 degrees, the air conditioning was blasting, and I just happened to notice an unpleasant aroma - of melted plastic. Yes, all of my silk flowers behind my fireplace screen got the back side of themselves melted all down the front of the fireplace glass. Such a great thing to clean up, (and smell!!!) He is so busy. He turns 3 on Friday, and I love his little busy bum. The wheels in his head are constantly turning. Also, I have attempted to bring plates of cookies twice now to two friends in my ward that have had babies, and wouldn't you know it, he had gotten into them both times now. Their blankets are made, maybe I just need to go with that.

And, I totally broke my little toe on my left foot. I was in a hurry and hit it against the door jam as I was leaving the room; it is black and swollen, and I still can't fit a shoe on it. I did it this last Friday, and on Saturday, it got jumped on by Jake - he felt so bad! I totally skipped church on Sunday because I was vain and didn't want to wear flip-flops! I have been babying it so I can wear heels on this coming Sunday - we are going to a baby blessing in Utah for some of our dearest friends, and just today, I hit it again on the door - it is swollen up humongous again, and I am limping around, it really hurts!!!

Other than that, school is out on Wednesday (Jake) and Thursday (Bailey) and I am so excited for this summer. I totally missed all of last summer from being so sick, and I can't wait to do so many things. We have swim lessons set up 2x a week, we got 1$ movie passes to go to once a week all summer, reading at the library on Wednesdays, free lunches at the schools we can hit, we are going to bear lake around the 4th, and I am looking forward to having Chris home a lot more. I also am finally feeling like I can mother 4 children, and just maybe have a little bit more of a schedule in tact. I am going to try to work out in the mornings before they get up (wish me luck!) I have about 40-50 pounds I would like to lose. Who wants to be on my cheering squad?! I need lots of support. I am not opposed to phone calls checking up on me to see if I worked out and avoided chocolate chip cookies. I need my friends behind me!