Looking Forward

I know it's been a while.

I am vaguely remembering in moments throughout the day that I like to do certain things. That under my sleepy disheveled soft exterior is a woman with hopes, dreams, hobbies, and wonderful friendships.

My life is a good one, and I am trying to remember that one day I will be able to exit the bubble of my home and get back on with things.

I am looking forward to living my life and enjoying all the little people my husband and I have made together.

I am looking forward to being the sexy woman I am in my head - (that is until until I shockingly catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and remember once again that I am that new mom of 5).

I am looking forward to sleeping through the night someday.

Looking forward to oh so much...

doing some of the things I love... reading, writing, photography, decorating, health and fitness, gardening, cooking, chatting with friends...

The next phase of my life is ahead. And I am excited.

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This last pregnancy was a doozy. Every one of them has been a real struggle for me; usually by 6 months into them I am able to feel good again until the last 6 weeks, but I am always blessed with awesome easy deliveries. I don't think I felt good for a single day of my last pregnancy. Once I finally got my pic line out at 6 months and the nausea let up I felt significantly better, but physically my body was shouting 'enough already!' I felt better 2 days post partum than I did the entire 9 months of pregnancy.

Isn't it funny how you can hold that tiny, soft, warm, snugly bundle of sweetness and all the suffering of pregnancy becomes worth it? It so was. Our little man got here June 16 and I am so glad to have him on the outside.

My house is a tad on the chaotic side. Okay, who am I kiddin, it is a freakin zoo. But I am choosing to count my blessings about 70% of the time. The other 30% I give into some good old fashioned boo-hooing and reach for the chocolate to console me. It is so hard to remember you want to be skinny again when you are already so fat!

We really have had alot of wonderful blessings occur lately, and I am trying to stay positive and have gratitude for those instead of letting the hard stuff bring me down.

Chris graduated and got a job in Utah right when we needed it most. He also just took his journeyman's test and passed it the first time. (Good job honey!) He is gone all week but home on Saturdays and half of Sundays right now - which has been lonely and hard for the whole family. But we were so seriously blessed to have the baby at 37 weeks - 2 days before he had to leave to start his job. Also, my brother and sister in law have generously opened their home to let him stay there until we can sell our house. We also have been surrounded with such love and generosity from so many friends and family around us. I have had so much help and support and I know that all of these 'angels' have literally carried burdens so that I have hardly felt them upon my back. It is all because of a loving Heavenly Father that knows me personally. I really feel like I am so undeserving of all these blessings; so many more that are private and personal that I won't go into detail about.

I am not going to lie though. 30% of the time... I do not remember the blessings. I allow myself to become overcome by the things I am burdened with ... until I remember the many times I have read the Book of Mormon and have seen the cycles that occurred with the Lamanites and the Nephites. Isn't it funny how we can get so many blessings and have success and happiness in our lives and we forget to recognize that God gave all of that to us? We forget to have gratitude? I am trying to remember; and I am trying to have patience. I am trying to have faith that I do not always know what is best. I am trying really really hard to have enough faith that my Heavenly Father knows what is best for my family and is so ready to bless us with what is best. I am trying to have patience and faith and remember the many times I have complained and threw a tantrum, only to have had blessings poured out into my life that literally felt like I did not have room enough to receive. Then I always feel so bad for complaining and for my lack of faith.

It is hard being here with a new baby and 5 little kids without a hubby most of the week. It will sure be nice when we can sell our home and get settled together again. But I am going to be content with my life at present and try to be productive and find joy in each day. We have great neighbors, a wonderful ward at church, and good friends here. The kids are so excited to start school and see all their friends; We love our home and are going to enjoy living here while we can; I have really loved living here, and I will continue to love it until we are blessed to start a new phase in our life. Like I said, it is a good one.

And I am sure looking forward to so much.

Sunday Dinner Conversation, and randomness

Every night when we get the colored plastic kids cups onto the table the kids pipe up with this little rhyme:

" Purple (or whatever color their cup is) is the best, Red is the less, Blue is the one with the hairy chest!! "

A few weeks ago I leaned over to Chris and quietly said to him "funny, that isn't the version we used to say growing up!"

So last night, as usual the kids were going the rounds about which one had the best, the less or the hairy chest. Bailey looks at me and says "Mom, what did you used to say when you were a kid?"

So I told her. I had been holding back because I didn't think it would be nice for my kids to be the ones spouting it off and teaching the rest of their first and second grade friends... or the neighborhood friends. 'They' are going to love us now. But I figured we lovingly have referred to our little boys for the past few years as our little "terd birds" so, it's not like it's that new to their vocabulary or anything!

"My brothers and I had an ongoing race every time we got home and would race from the car to the front door. We would say 'first the worst, second the best, and third the TERD!' And no one wanted to be first the worst, but if you ended up being third the terd, someone would always cry or get mad about it."

And of course, peals of laughter ensued. Like, for 5 minutes. Potty humor is BIG to first and second graders. 3 year olds think it is pretty funny too.

Then Bailey sputters out through her choking, gasping laughter "Red is the best, Blue is the less, Purple is the TERD with the hairy chest!!"

It was pretty funny. She got us all going on that one.

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We were trying to have family night tonight. My boys are always pretty high energy and have a hard time sitting still. Carter was bouncing around and seriously bored. Chris had the lesson and pulled out one of my fake plants for part of our object lesson and says "what does a plant need to grow?"

And Carter who was flying around the room hops onto the couch next to me and hollers "WATER!" To which I surprisingly praise "Right! Good job Carter!" And Chris then says, "right, what else?" And Carter hollers "SUNLIGHT!" And Chris and I busted up laughing - it was just so funny because I guess he really does take in more than we think -he is always going a mile a minute. It was another funny moment with the kiddos.

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So I guess it is only fair to say a little about my absence. We found out around Halloween that I am pregnant. HUGE surprise. We are excited, but I get really, really, really sick. Like cannot get out of bed or keep anything down or open my eyes unless I HAVE to - to change a bum or feed a child sick. I always wonder how I actually survive. I was really lucky this time to have a pic line put in and have home health nurses come to do IV's every day. It helped keep me hydrated, but didn't take away any of the SICK and want to die feeling. We have an amazing ward here - they brought in dinner 3 times a week, and a good friend came and did my laundry and would lift my lonely crazed mind with visits and we somehow are now on the other side of sick. I am so thankful to not be sick anymore. I really think this child will be the grand finale which is bittersweet for me. I know that is probably crazy to most of you to hear, but even though getting so sick is so hard for my whole family, I feel so blessed to bring those sweet little bundles home. I just love em'. The thought of being 'all done' is a little heart breaking to me. Anyways, long story short... another Cook is coming and I was just getting used to 4, so I am figuring I better get organized with my priorities so that 5 can ease on in ... yeah right! I've done 17 months apart before... it was hard!!! And back then I just had TWO! Doe! I shouldn't say 'just' because 2 was hard then... so was 3, and 4.... I guess it is an adjustment every time and just gets harder because you have something to compare it to!
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I have managed to get up and get ready and leave my house a few times now... I am missing my friendships! Sorry to have not kept in touch with so many... I was just trying to survive Nov, Dec, Jan, and Feb up until now. I have some catching up to do!

By the way, we have been going back and forth about finding out the sex of this baby, put it off for a couple of weeks then finally caved. Tomorrow we find out...

I Gotta Feeling

I'm not a huge Black Eyed Peas fan, in fact I can't really say I like anything they have done, but I loved this. I secretly wish life were a musical.

[Dipdive] Black Eyed Peas Video+Audio » Oprah Feeling / I Gotta Feeling Live at Oprah's 24th Season Kickoff Party

By the way, I am still SO sick, so I am not back yet. Just wanted to share this video I hope you watch it -