Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I'm having a moment...

Ever have periods of time pass where you feel like you are being stretched pretty thin, but know that you need to be thankful anyways and try to maintian a positive attitude just to get you through? Well, I am having a moment tonight. The positive attitude is a little shaky and I'm just starting to crumble...

Chris has been gone for two weeks, (the kids are killin me) the house is up for sale (the kids keep demolishing it) I feel really overwhelmed with my responsibilities at church; it's sorta hitting me that we are completely changing our lives again 'for reals', We still have no word on the job situation and that may take a while to hear back, and Chris just called me tonight to tell me he will be home on Saturday and Sunday, but will be leaving again for two more weeks. I just feel a little lonely in my trials at the moment. I guess I just feel so stressed out and wonder when we will be settled somewherefor once in our marriage. It feels like we have just been through the wringer for the last 6 years! I know I could complain more, but I will spare you all.

Not to sound like I am going to jump off a bridge or anything, I just know that it is fine to let down our guard sometimes, and reach out for support by letting friends know you need it.

(sniff) Ahh, now I feel better. Thanks for listening.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Happy Birthday Emily!

This is My BFF and probably yours too!
Em, I have never met anyone like you. You are so much fun, the party always begins when you arrive. I love your spontaneity, your sense of humor, and your genuine love and concern for others. You really are the "BEST" friend to everyone and I want to be just like you!
Happy Birthday !!! Wish I were there to celebrate with you!

Friday, April 25, 2008

What do you say to taking chances?

I am a dreamer. I am a survivor. I believe anything is possible. If you can dream it, and believe it, you can make it possible. We don't know what life holds for anyone of us. I believe what allows us to survive, and even thrive, are our core beliefs and our support system.

Moving to Blackfoot was the hugest leap of faith for us. Small miracles occurred and we took a chance not knowing what lay ahead. We uprooted our lives, and our children, and began a new life. We thought we were coming to take a chance on a new career, but what took place for our family in the last year and a half was so much more than we could have ever imagined. Moving somewhere where we didn't know anyone allowed us to rely on each other and have faith in each other; it also gave us the chance to know for ourselves the kindness, generosity, and goodness of others. Not having our regular support system close taught us to reach out to those around us for support. We have found our lives have been so richly blessed by the many families we met here. We feel our cup has overflown with friendship, humility, and love. I learned that we have more to offer others than we think we do. None of you will ever truly know how much I have been touched by your friendships; this goes out to all of you in my life past and present. You have all touched my heart and inspired me to be a better mother, a better woman, and a better friend. I know that there is a plan for each of us in our lives, that is so much bigger than we can comprehend. Our family feels inclined in a certain direction, and things seem to be falling into place in this regard. We have put our house up for sale, and will be moving to Arizona as soon as it sells. When we came to Blackfoot, we thought this was where we would be for quite some time, having no idea it was only a pit-stop, and a place for me to heal the wounds of my past.

I went to counseling while I was here, to address abuse from my childhood. Chris came for part of it as a support to me, and it is the best thing I have ever done. A heavy burden I had carried for over 25 years was lifted from my life, my marriage was greatly enriched, and I am living a truly joyful life for the first time. A life that was deserving to experience, because my old one was tainted and taken away from me so many years ago. I am so thankful, and didn't know it was possible to be free from the anxiety, depression, and insecurity that plagued me. But for anyone who is burdened by similar feelings, I want you to know that not only is it possible, you are entitled to be free from such feelings. They are not God-given. He wants us to have joy. I love my life now, and see it through a whole new set of eyes. Not as a victim, not only as a survivor, but as the dreamer I am, and a hero in my own life; surrounded by the many 'angels' I find in the friendships I make. Although it is hard to keep leaving those I come to love dearly behind, You are all apart of me, you all have enriched my life. You all are incredible people I will never forget - and if you're ever in Arizona, you know you are welcome in my home!

This seems to be my theme song, and a lesson for this girl who has always hated change, avoided change, feared change. I better learn to embrace these changes if I ever want to stay put somewhere!

'What do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge?
never knowing if there's solid ground below, or a hand to hold, or hell to pay?
What do you say?'

I say that life it what you make it - no matter what twists, turns, or stops you make along the way. And you all have made my life so worth it.

Where's Pooh Bear when I need him?

Some days I want to poke my eyes out and lock myself in my own room. This was a sealed bottle of syrup!!! Carter, you are going to be the death of me!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Granny Bunco

It was Bunco night at JG's a couple of weeks ago. If you weren't there, you are invited for next time - we are always scrambling to fill all 12-16 spots on the last day anyways. I have had so much fun since she started this up a few months ago. We have had a (mostly) different group of girls almost every time now. I have never lived in an area with so many fun girls around to play with. I feel so blessed to have met so many of you - you all inspire me and touch my life by the way you live yours. You all have big hearts and such warmth.

This is most of the group - a couple of girls had to duck out early.

These are the Granny's that dressed up according to the theme. We all thought they were pretty funny,and looked so great. Some even went for that "Hot Granny" look that I will sure be aiming for when that time in my life actually arrives.

Shelby won the prize for having the traveling Bunco at the end of the Game.

I was so happy I won the prize for the most Bunco's for the night (4) because I usually win nothing. You can't tell in the picture but they are 3 brightly colored ceramic bread pan's. And yes, I am holding the traveling Bunco, because I really did have it at the end of the game, but since I was the BIG winner of the night it went to the person who had it last (Shelby you go girl! You deserved it!). But who's keeping tabs? Certainly not me. And yes, I am totally lame and did not partake in the dress-up portion of the night due to a very busy week.

Shelby and JG.

Michelle and Shelby - Showing their similar necklaces. Michelle went all out and we thought she was the Hot Granny of the night. For the rest of the events you will have to go to Shelby's blog because she keeps up on the festivities better than me. Thanks for sending me the pic's Shelby. I knew I could count on the professional to get the job done!

I'm gonna knock me out

So, I gave myself a black eye. I seriously almost knocked myself out. And yes, I know I look especially hot here.
I was playing outside with the kids, and got talked into doing a flip on the trampoline by my 4 and 6 year old children. And feeling the need to deliver on my claims at knowing professional acrobatics I over confidently complied...
But everything went horribly wrong. And my brain thinking I was in my 16 year old pre-birth-of-three-children-body went for it, while my softer post baby body couldn't retain the memory needed to complete such acrobatics landed quite awkwardly smacking my knee into left cheekbone/eye socket. I for reals almost knocked myself out. I seriously couldn't move for like 2 minutes. When vision returned to seeing 3 children instead of 9, I scooped up the littlest one, went inside and applied ice for about a half hour, sure I had broken my cheekbone, yet happy my eye was still in its socket. This was yesterday, and although my face is still quite swollen, the bruising isn't too bad. Yet. It's a good thing Chris is outta town. He has an alibi. I am so lame.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

New "do"

So I gave Chris and the boys a haircut; well with Carter, it was more of a hair war. When all was said and done, I discovered I had cut Carter's hair so short, that I could have just used the clippers on a #4 and it would have expedited the battle. Which is what I ended up doing at the very end anyways. BAH! Chris and Jake are so easy, I got a wild hair and decided to do Bailey's as well, since the last time I cut it was before Kindergarten started last year.

Here the little monster is, all tuckered out. It's a good thing he's so cute. And the wild blond Mohawk is no more.

Jacob, you are the sweetest, cutest, sneakiest little boy, and I am so glad you are mine. I love those deep blue eyes of yours, there always seems to be a sneaky little glimmer in them...
You look so much like that handsome daddy of yours!!

I'll have you know that I don't know how to cut "girl" hair. I have observed many a haircut given by my friend Jen, and convinced myself that I could do it. Cutting Bailey's hair last year was a seriously stressful event in my life, I was so afraid I was going to ruin it, but it still turned out pretty cute. Why I forgot the sickening feeling in my stomach accompanying "girl" haircuts, I'll never know, but all hyped up and armed with scissors I got a wild hair yet again and impulsively let the scissors fly. My intent was definitely NOT to cut her pretty long hair so SHORT!!! But after the first cut it was a little too late. I had to finish then. Oh well, it's a good thing it turned out so cute! Bailey, you can pull off any hairdo! You are such a cutie! I love you!
Bailey Before

Bailey After

Look at her posing - yeah, she knows she looks good. Bailey, you're so funny!

That's how you know

If any of you out there still haven't seen the movie Enchanted, you don't know what you're missing! I am a seriously tainted-by-all-things-disney hopeless romantic, and like most little girls truly believed that I would one day be rescued by prince charming, galantly riding in on a white horse, sword drawn, waiting to defend my honor. He would swoop in, save the day, swing me up by one arm onto the back of his stallion, give me the kiss I had been waiting for my whole life, and ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. C'mon, most of you believed it too.

But of course, one day we all grow up and realize that just isn't reality, but I still believe we hold onto most of those ideals as we go through our romantic relationships. We expect deep down to be cherished more than anything, to have our honor defended, to be protected, and want to be treated like the princess we are inside.

That is why "Enchanted" struck such a chord! This movie made me laugh right out loud, and I told Chris, if he would just memorize the words to the song "That's how you know" that he would forevermore know how to make me happy. Don't you remember being 16 at a dance and hoping to get asked for a slow dance by that one boy you really liked just so he would hold you close? And wouldn't you swoon to have a song dedicated with words that are just for you? I may mock Chris when he buys a CD and tells me a certain song made him think of me, but inside I really like it; And what really rings true for me is this : "You've got to tell her you need her, not treat her like a mind reader..."

Here's a link to the clip from the movie. Enjoy.


Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Come Thou Fount

I mentioned in an earlier post how much I love the song "Come Thou Fount." It is a hymn composed by Robert Robinson in 1758 and has graced the hymnals of many different Christian Sects.

Music has always been an important part of my life. There is something about good music that can affect you right at your core. As I read the words (posted below) I feel so much gratitude and love for my Father in Heaven and His Son. I feel so completely indebted for what His sacrifice means for all of us, and the magnitude of love that has been, and is poured out in our behalf. He knows us personally, and as we come to understand him and all he has done for us better, we recognize the scope of that great love. The words in this song really touch me as I contemplate my own history and trials my family has endured; as well as the life changing decisions we face at this time. No matter what, I know we are not alone on this earth. I look forward to General Conference this weekend where we can listen to words of a Prophet and his apostles.

Here is a link on youtube of the song being performed by the Tabernacle Choir.

Come Thou Fount

1. Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

2. Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

3. Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.

4. O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it;
Seal it for Thy courts above.