Thursday, April 2, 2009

Baby Fat

I love my babies, but lets be honest here.

I hate losing 'baby weight.'

Brayden is 10 weeks old now. I don't know how that happened, because I haven't yet come out of the fog. Let's face it, I am tired, sluggish in my softish type body, and although Brayden is a champ at sleeping most nights, I have three OLDER children that like to come and pay me a visit regularly during the a.m. hours of the day. They like to take advantage of the empty space next to me in my king size bed that should be occupied by one 'daddy' who shall remain nameless. 2 days ago I woke up with all four children lined up next to me, and decided I had 'had enough of the insanity!'

So in typical "Jenny" fashion, I set out to get some order and control back on the Cook family home front. I have been a little bit in denial about my life the past year. I thought that surely misery of the sorts we had been enduring couldn't possibly be permanent. I have fought tooth and nail to try and change things. I am now starting to bitterly realize that things are not going to change in the near future, and 'this is as good as it is gonna get...' so .... I guess I have to deal.... sometimes tearfully deal...anyways back to what I was saying; In typical 'me' fashion, I got myself all pumped up to get it all back under control and make my own 'happy place' and set some goals for the next two months. I was really quite impressed with myself. I even set realistic goals. I then went further and wrote detailed information on how I was going to accomplish said goals. And yesterday, I was so impressed with myself on how well I followed my rules and expectations for myself on reaching my stated goals.... Then today rolled around. It wasn't so great... And once the afternoon rolled around the cookie dough in my freezer was beckoning and I gave in to one cookie dough ball.... Then another.... and as the day got worse I said to myself 'to hell with it!' and baked a whole dang dozen... and you can guess it... ate the whole dang thing myself. What can I say? I crashed and burned today. One more day of being stuck in this baby body that I am not so happy to be in. There is always tomorrow, right?!

And by the way, why didn't anyone tell me that having 4 kids would be like this?! What the crap?! Why do you all make it look so easy? Are you all just a bunch of liars putting on a show? Or am I really just a little weak and pathetic? I think I have figured out that the timing on them getting to our family is just a little painful! Between the nursing child, the wild two year old that cannot be tamed, the kindergartner that gets off the bus at lunchtime, the first grader that gets off the bus mid-afternoon, I am painfully counting down the days until I will have 2 kids in school all day, making it possible to get to any type of store for any amount of time over 15 minutes without having to rush back home again! And oh, the thought of getting through an actual workout without a crying baby or 'wild child' constantly finding trouble I have to get him out of makes me giddy at the thought. I am trapped, I tell you! Trapped! What I wouldn't give for a partner in crime home in the evenings so I could ESCAPE the madness once in a while!

Alright, enough complaining. I really do love em all, I just didn't know it would be so hard. Cuz it is, it is HARD for me, really it is really hard for me. Did I say it was hard? Cuz it is. I'm not holding back. Did ya notice?!


Shelby said...

It took almost a whole YEAR for your body to grow a baby, I don't think it's very realistic to think that you can have it back to normal in 10 weeks, you silly girl. You need to cut yourself a little slack on that stuff--I had a Snickers candybar, 4 chocolate chip cookies, and a mint chip ice cream bar this afternoon, and I only have 2 kids to drive me crazy. Plus, my husband comes home each night to give me a little break. No wonder you needed some cookie dough! I would be a total disaster without Joe at home.

When are we going to have that girls night so you can have a little break? I should be home all day tomorrow if you'd like me to watch your kids for a few hours so you can run errands.....or sleep! Call me!

iamjennycook said...

Love ya Shelby!

tricki_nicki said...

Ummm, I need to take a nap after reading your post.

I don't know how you do it, Jen. The thing that kills me is that you actually EXPECT yourself to do better than you are. Most people would be blithering idiots at this point. You make normal women look weak and soft, Jenny Cook.

Kerstin said...

Jen, I totally get what you are going through...and i have only had 3 kids....7+ years ago...How come I havent lost my "baby fat"??(not that I can call it that anymore)

Hang in there!

Love ya!

emily said...

jenny - you are a rockstar! you endure so much and still want to be better! i'd be a puddle on the floor if i were in your situation! 4 kids is tough ... but i have a hubby most nights - i can't imagine doing it on my own for as long as you have!
but you can do hard things. you know you can - you always do. you're awesome! i love you and you know that if i wasn't 15 hours away i'd be over there every night giving you a break or eating ice cream with you and laughing so hard at our sorry selves!! miss you girl!

Sarah said...

At least you haven't lost your sense of humor! I didn't get a chnace to talk to you Sunday. Chris gave Brayden such a beautiful blessing.

SO many people say, once you have 3, it makes no difference whether you have 4 or 7. WHATEVER! Glad I didn't believe them!

Please feel like you can call me...all of a sudden I am at the opposite stage, wandering around my house all day lonely. It'll happen! No lies!

Pam's Ponderings said...

I could of written this blog 9 times over, when each of my little ones were 10 weeks old.
I sure wish I had your number or that I lived give you a pep talk...and help with your little ones.
Be patient with yourself...the weight WILL come off... and... before you know it.
Isn't it awful that we aren't more kind to ourselves....
Most important...if you are nursing...feed yourself well!
You ARE amazing!

Jenny said...

Hey you know I love ya and love all our crying calls to each other... No matter what stage we are in there is always good with alot of crazy bad... I'm with sarah, I'm lonley in my house too. I can't say that I miss those days home, stuck with kids crying and messes everywhere but now that they are all gone I hate it too. I don't want the day when they really all leave the house. I'm going to beg Taylor to stay with us forever!!! I'm not going to complain about her in my bed anymore this week either. lol You know I will totally take the baby anytime.!!! I'll take Carter to if it gets me the baby!!!!! Love ya sister JG

Mrs. B said...

Hi. OK, here's the thing. I lost 50 pounds and I still have that dumb little paunchy thing in my gut. AND my baby is almost 19!
What I am saying is that first, my sister is showing me up by beating me to the comment board, but she's right! WE are too hard on ourselves. Do you think we would all love you more if you were thinner? Would Chris? The kids? That baby fat says something about you. You are a mom...nothing is better than that.
Also, I read that cookie dough is better for you than the cookies. Something scientific happens when you bake them that makes the fat in them bind to your fat differently. So I say--eat all you want.

Love ya!!!!!!
PS We have all been there. It sucks!

Katie said...

Having 4 kids is a lot of work and I wish somedays that I didn't have to get out of bed. Believe me I have my days and they come a lot more then people know. I have learned I need to exercise to be healthy. I worry about my body way to much and I know that my body won't be like it was when I was in college. Just do what you can and hang in there. We should go walking Jensen Grove when it gets warmer. We'll go when the kids are in school.
Chocolate is my friend or anything with sugar.
Hang in there, you are doing great. Call me if you need a break the boys are always wanting to play with someone.